Toddler Q&A

Our son has a pretty extensive vocabulary for a 13 month old.  He can say simple phrases like, “thank you” and “bye bye” and “more, please.”  He will address the cats as, “kih-ee” and the dog as “mommy” (yes, mommy).  He knows the title of his favorite book is “Brown Bear, Brown Bear…” and he will bring me his shoes and ask, “Go? Go?”  He’s a baby genius.

One would imagine that a child who has the ability to open the produce drawer in the refrigerator and fill it with blocks would also not only comprehend my questions, but that he would answer them.

These are my current unanswered questions:

  1. Why will you refuse to eat perfectly fine broccoli off of your highchair tray, yet you will eagerly pick and consume weeds, flowers, leaves and sticks?
  2. Why do you think it’s funny when I say, “No”?
  3. Why did you smear your apple cinnamon Nutrigrain bar in my hair?
  4. How did you climb on top of that without me seeing you?
  5. Where did your sippy cup go?
  6. Also, what’s that smell?
  7. What does the sliding glass door taste like?
  8. Do you understand what “gentle pet kitty” means?
  9. Why do you attempt to hurl yourself head first off of your changing table?
  10. Where did you find that binky?
  11. Why did you headbutt me?
  12. How did you get both of your legs through just one opening of your shorts?
  13. And where is your shirt?
  14. Why must you attempt to climb out of your highchair?
  15. How did that banana get in my shoe?

Toddlers, man…they’re smarter than you think, but they’re really good at pretending they aren’t.

In an effort to bring clarity to my mom’s life, I thought I’d take the time to answer some of these very pressing questions. – Miles

  1. I prefer to use the hunter-gatherer approach when feeding myself.
  2. Because you should see your face.
  3. You had a flyaway.  ALL BETTER MAMA!
  4. I obviously waited until you weren’t looking.  As if the coffee pot is that entertaining…
  5. Where did your sippy cup go?
  6. Hint: first word is “sippy.”
  7. Peanut butter, oatmeal and yogurt.
  8. Squeeze kitty!
  9. There’s no time like the present to begin my Olympic high dive practice.
  11. We aren’t playing flag building blocks…this is tackle, woman.
  12. Speed.  Also, I’m not sure how to dress myself.
  13. Toilet.
  14. Floor spaghetti tastes way better.
  16. No sneaking my stash, man.

You forgot to ask how I got so awesome…I inherited these amazing genes from you, Mom.  Hugs!

Happy Hump Day, folks.


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