After a few months of sporadic posting, I’M BACK. Why the break? Well, this happened:
Yep, as most of you already know, we’re expecting the arrival of our second kiddo in April! We’re excited, thrilled, overjoyed, nervous, terrified and happy, all at the same time. It’s an awesome time in our lives, for sure.
So why the break in writing? Well, I found it really difficult to write about anything except being pregnant. That’s not to say I didn’t have plenty of material from the non-preg part of my life, but for every thought of “I’ll write about the dangers of accidentally swearing in front of your toddler…” there was a voice saying “No, write about pregnancy farts!” To avoid spilling the beans too early, I just chose to write a little, tiny bit. But now that you all know, LET THE TMI BEGIN. I’ve actually been writing through the entire first trimester, and it’s all sitting in draft status. Get excited, people. For now, let’s talk about how we got here (don’t be a perv).
Two kids, two years apart. Some of you think that’s crazy, and some of you think it’s genius. For us, it’s perfect. We knew we wanted our kids to be close in age, so they could be friends (or mortal enemies, it’s tough to tell with siblings). I have an entire post dedicated to inappropriate questions I’ve been asked (like “Did you plan this?!”) so we’ll save that for another time.
So, what’s it like to find out you’re pregnant with your second child? Well, here’s the text message I sent one of my girlfriends the afternoon I found out:
Brief survey: 1). What is the age gap between your kiddos? 2). Was your immediate reaction “emotional panic rollercoaster” when you found you were pregnant with your second?
I took the test at home, alone, without ever telling my husband that I was feeling totally pregnant. So when that second pink line showed up, it was just me sitting on the toilet, with the cat staring at me. If I’m being completely honest, which is something I strive to be, I cried as soon as I saw the second line. No, not accurate…I bawled. For a solid five minutes. Why? Because, in the ultimate mom guilt scenario, I realized that Miles would no longer be my one and only baby, and I felt guilty that I was taking his only child-ness away. Hence the message sent to my friend, who happens to be a mom of three. I needed some reassurance that having a sibling won’t be the most devastating thing to ever happen to Miles (we all know it’s not, eventually he’s going to realize I can’t dance, and it will be in a public place when that occurs).
I would imagine that this is a common reaction to many moms when they find out they’re having a second baby. By the time the third or fourth kid shows up, it’s old hat, and the tears are gone…but the second, that’s a big step. Especially when you’re really starting to get the hang of raising one child.
After I finished crying while sitting in Miles’ bedroom, holding the pregnancy test, I prayed. I asked God to help me not be a crazy person, because this is what we wanted. Miles was born to be an amazing big brother. I finished praying, I ate my lunch, and I felt a sense of calm and peace. We were really doing this.
I did not tell my husband right away…but I didn’t when I found out I was pregnant the first time, either. Pregnancy is something to be shared face-to-face. That’s why, with both of my pregnancies, at least two of my closest friends knew before my husband. I needed people to share in my overwhelming emotions ASAP, and help me bounce ideas about how to tell Evan.
You should know, I don’t do cute. I’m not the wife who has a special cookie baked to announce her pregnancy to her husband. I will not have a carrier pigeon arrive at his place of work, carrying a pacifier and a balloon. No flowers, no song, no glitter.
And so, I did what seemed most logical for parents of two close in age: I texted him a picture of the pregnancy test with the caption “LOL!” and I hoped he didn’t crash into a tree on the way home. He was thrilled; he had those happy man-tears that only dampen the corner of his eyes, because men don’t cry the same way women do (unless the Giants make it to the Super Bowl). Seeing the joy and happiness on Evan’s face was the reassurance I truly needed. There is no greater father, husband, partner or friend in the entire world, and I am blessed to be on this wild ride with him.
While bathing Miles a few weeks ago, I told him he was going to be a big brother. I looked up at me, smiled and said “bubber?” My heart melted. Then I realized he thought I said bubbles, as he reached for the bottle of bubble bath. Now, all these weeks later, he picks up my shirt and asks, “Bebby? Bebby?” But he also does the same to Evan. We’ll get there, kid.
So here we are, 14 weeks later. There aren’t enough words to describe our happiness, joy, and fear that comes with having a newborn (please sleep, please sleep, please sleep). Get ready for all the TMI your eyes can handle, because pregnancy is awesome.