Because announcing your pregnancy suddenly invites people,
even especially strangers, to speak whatever thoughts that happen to ramble through their unfiltered minds, I thought it would be worth sharing with you all the best I’ve heard to date (because trust, we still have a looong way to go and many, many more “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE THAT BABY?!” questions to come). Most of the time, it’s a question…sometimes it’s just a statement. Parents and pregs, you’ll sympathize; non-parents and never-pregs, now you’ll know that someone asking the size of your waistline isn’t really the most inappropriate thing you’ve heard all day.
“Was this planned?!” So it’s our second pregnancy, and our son will turn two about a week before the current bun baking will be due. I get it; some of you wait longer to have your second child, but not everyone does. But for some reason, lots of people feel the need to ask if this was our plan. Based on our prior success in procreation, one would think it should be simple to come to the conclusion that we are clearly aware of what could happen when we have sex (TMI? THEN DON’T ASK THE QUESTION.) But what you should really know is that when you ask questions like that, you’re really implying that this child was an accident, and that’s really not nice. Respect that some pregnancies are planned and some are not, but that children are awesome regardless of the circumstances which brought them into this world. Just because it’s not what you would do, doesn’t mean it’s not perfect timing for another couple. (spoiler alert: you’re not the one carrying the kid, so don’t worry about it.)
Along the lines of “Was this planned?!” I have also been asked if we are just “really busy” (yes, they meant exactly what you’re thinking). So you should know that if you ask a question like that, not only is it inappropriate, but it concerns me that you’re thinking that hard about what goes on behind our bedroom doors (it’s awesome, so you can stop wondering now).
“So, did you know you were pregnant before you took the test?” Lots of folks have also asked if I knew I was pregnant before I took the test, and that’s really not an inappropriate question. What is inappropriate is some of the conversation that takes place after I tell them that yes, I did in fact know I was pregnant before I peed on the stick and saw two pink lines. Here’s an example of an actual conversation that occurred after that question:
Friend: “So, did you know you were pregnant before you took the test?”
Me: “Yes! I had this funny feeling…”
Friend: “I BET IT WAS YOUR NIPPLES! IT WAS YOUR NIPPLES, RIGHT?! YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL YOU’RE PREGNANT BY YOUR NIPPLES! NIPPLES NIPPLES NIIIIIIIIPPLESSSSSSS!!!” (slight exaggeration, but only SLIGHT)
We can totally talk about how I absolutely positively knew I was pregnant 17 minutes after conception occurred, but please, don’t talk about my nipples. Don’t ask about them, don’t question them, don’t think about them, and certainly don’t give me a detailed comparison to your own nipples. While having nipples is something we do have in common, I’d rather not discuss them.
“So did you guys try for a girl this time?” After the accident talk and the nipple talk, this is another question I’m frequently asked. I don’t really know how to answer that. We didn’t find out what we were having when we were pregnant with Miles, and we won’t find out this time, either. And while I’m sure folks mean well, it just sounds a lot like, “boys are cool and all but you should really want a girl.” I’m positive that if we already had a girl, the preferred gender by inquiring minds would be a boy. Just know that we didn’t try for anything; we are truly just happy to have been blessed with a healthy pregnancy so far. Even if a couple does hope for a particular gender while pregnant, I wouldn’t want to share that information, because I know some of you would assume disappointment if they found out they were having the opposite of what they hoped for. And that would just open up more inappropriate comments from some of you, right?
Belly touching. Time to address a very, very appropriate question. Don’t touch a preg’s belly without asking. If I refuse to let you grope me, you’ll have to accept it and move on. Don’t pout. Also, don’t be a weirdo. I remember having enough random strangers wanting to touch my belly when I was pregnant with Miles; my crazy preg hormones can no longer tolerate such invasive behavior. If you touch my belly, I’ll stick my finger up your nose.
“How are you going to…?” Every preg gets a lot of questions about how they will parent. These questions are fine as long as the intention behind them is well-meaning. But there are some of you (and you know who you are) who will ask the questions like, “Are you going to breastfeed?” and “Are you going to co-sleep?” with an anticipated argument of this vs. that, and that is inappropriate. Every parent has choices that they make; those choices are what is best for their family, and only they know what works and what doesn’t. I have another post entirely dedicated to this topic, but trust for now, while I’m more than happy to talk about this stuff, it’s for a respectful, safe and non-judgmental conversation. And I am fully aware that sentence has “namaste” and “therapy” written all over it. SAFE SPACE, PEOPLE.
Now of all the questions I’m asked, my favorite is always, “ARE YOU GOING TO EAT ALL THAT?!” Yes, I am. Pregs are responsible for growing life for 40+ weeks. So when you see me sit down with a brownie sundae covered in hot fudge, marshmallows, sprinkles and Cheetos, don’t hate. Because you totally would if you could.
Now, anyone want to talk about belching? I’m game.