Ways My Toddler Has Outsmarted Me (This Week)

So now I’m officially back to work…I am a WORKING mom of two.  It’s a damn circus most days (okay, I’ve only been back to work two days, but THOSE days were circus like) and I’ll have more of an update on that later this week.  Maybe.  It seems my “free time” (post bedtime, pre-newborn wake up, between folding laundry and drinking wine/eating ice cream/whining about Alton Brown not hosting this season of Food Network Star) isn’t what it used to be.  Of course that will change in a few months, but for now my enormous audience of 56 readers will have to settle for sporadic and nonsensical.  You know, regular working mom of two stuff.

I am often surprised/not surprised at how smart toddlers are; specifically, how smart Miles is.  Like besides the usual letters, numbers, colors, shapes, US Presidents and state capitals knowledge, the kid is figuring out how to open all child-proofed cabinetry and is writing a novella in his spare time.  And every. damn. day. He’s outsmarting me in the discipline department.  And so, here are…

Ways My Toddler Has Outsmarted Me This Week

Like most toddlers, Miles enjoys throwing things.  Preferably things that make loud noise, and that could possibly result in an injury, because it’s not fun until the newborn wakes up or something gets a concussion.  While playing with his train table, Miles began throwing the pieces across the living room (and then telling me, “Oh no, Mama…the train FELL!”)  I politely reminded Miles that we do not throw our toys; we can throw balls, but no toys.  Miles then continued his throwing as soon as my back was turned.

Me: Miles, what did mama tell you about through toys?

Miles: Mama, I’m not throwing toys, I’m throwing signs.

Not gang signs.  The signs for his train table: stop sign, railroad crossing sign, etc.  Because signs are different from toys.

We also had the joy of stopping by Walgreens to pick up my prescription this week (birth control, OBVIOUSLY).  Grant was less than thrilled with the lack of vehicle motion while waiting in line at the drive-thru, and he became very vocal.  Miles isn’t quite sure how to take this newborn wailing (last week his solution was to throw a banana peel into Grant’s carseat).  His most frequent response is to just yell louder.

Grant: WAAAAH! GET ME OUT OF THIS CARSEAT!  WAAAAAH!

Miles: AAAAH!  I HATE ALL THIS YELLING!  AAAAAAAH!

Me: Grant, we’re almost done!  Miles, please remember to use your inside voice.

Grant: WAAAAH!  IT’S FULL OF KNIVES!  KNIVES AND LAVA!  WAAAAAAH!

Miles: AAAAH!  I CAN YELL LOUDER!  AAAAAH!  PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

Me: Grant, you’re overreacting.  Miles, please use your inside voice for Mama.

Grant: WAAAAAH!  KNIVES AND LAVA AND CACTI!  WAAAAAH!

Miles: But Mama, we are in the car and the car is outside.

And the yelling continues.  Well played, Toddler-San.

Miles is very good at using his utensils for meals, and has been for a long time, but every once in a while we’ll go through an “eating with my hands” phase, which is totally fine with me when it’s something that’s sort of a finger food.  But recently, he had taken to sticking all of his fingers in his bowl of yogurt then sucking the yogurt off.  And while this may have been adorable behavior at a year old, at two years old, we sort of need to form some sense of “table manners” (LOLOLOLOLOL).

Me: Miles, please use your spoon for scooping, or Mama will need to take away your yogurt.

Miles: *scoops yogurt with spoon, plops into palm of hand* I’m scoopin’ Mama!

Me: Sigh.  Followed by chuckles.

So we laugh a lot; it’s not easy to discipline, or instruct, when the kid is so damn cute.  I suppose there’s an age where we’ll need to be more firm, but for now, the entertainment value of handfuls of vanilla yogurt is much greater than getting the kid to follow instructions.  Because he listens, obviously…it’s the follow through that toddlers aren’t interested in quite yet.  This is an age of testing boundaries and realizing that people find you adorable, no matter what you’re doing.  Relish this now, child.  It all changes when you get old.

So cute you wouldn't even notice the 4,783 sprinkles under the dining room table.

So cute you wouldn’t even notice the 4,783 sprinkles under the dining room table.

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One thought on “Ways My Toddler Has Outsmarted Me (This Week)

  1. Because as we age (63), we tend to forget how it was when we were where you are now, I must say, you hit that nail right on the head…..speaking of concussions! Mine were not as close together as yours; a fact that has always left me wondering if I would have survived it. In any case, I can certainly identify with this right of passage you are experiencing. These moments of sheer hysteria will become the sweet memories that fill your head when you reach my age. Enjoy each one. You have the right attitude. Someday, this will be a #1 best seller!

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