Mom Confessions

Tonight’s Mom Confessions are brought to you by the free time I now have while waiting for my loving, wonderful, patient husband to return from Publix with another bag of pecans so I can finish baking this cake, because of course it’s always a great idea to try a totally new recipe at 9:15p on Monday night.  OF COURSE.

Let’s just say those pecans were roasted until fragrant, alright.

Burned (burnt?) nuts aside, tonight’s baking adventure has me wondering if there are folks in the world publishing completely terrible recipes on websites that appear to be run by Food Network.  If this cake is successful (read: edible) I’ll share the recipe with my alterations (read: limit your wine before attempting).

And now that we’ve spent plenty of time on my nuts…here are my Mom Confessions for the past few weeks:

  1. I almost always come home during my lunch hour.  It gives me a chance to fold laundry, mop, or start dinner.  Last week, I spent three of those lunch hours reading celebrity gossip and eating fistfuls of Honey Nut Cheerios, and nothing else.
  2. On Sunday, while getting ready for church, I realized I would need to wear a dress that called for tights or leggings, because I hadn’t shaved my legs.  Then I thought about what I’d worn to church the previous Sunday: blue jeans, and for the same reason.  This weekend, I’m going for the trifecta.
  3. There is an unidentified sticky substance on our piano.  It will not yield to my scrubbing efforts.  I am ignoring it until it goes away.
  4. My first name is not difficult, but it is frequently misspelled.  If I receive an email with my name misspelled in the greeting, I will intentionally misspell the sender’s name upon replying.  Examples of my intentional misspellings include: Ashleigh, Brigit, Amandah and Jone.
  5. Using an umbrella while carrying your toddler is the equivalent of holding a funnel over your head in the shower.  For a toddler, an umbrella is only to be used upside, swinging side to side, or closed and as a javelin.  If you can successfully transport your toddler anywhere while using an umbrella, you are a Jedi.
  6. I’ve never seen a single Star Wars movie, so I don’t even know if that last joke works

I also confess that I have used the following phrases in just the past five days:

  1. “We do not walk on our dinner.”
  2. “We do not use tongs on the cat.”
  3. “We do not eat q-tips.”
  4. “Please refrain from putting Kix in the dog’s ear.”
  5. “How did you get your shoe on your elbow?”
  6. “GO SHOW YOUR DAD.”

I’ve actually used that last one a dozen times, just tonight.  Back to the kitchen…

Burnt nuts,

K

Be careful when googling "burnt nuts."

Be careful when googling “burnt nuts.”

Sunday Mom Confessions

Oh Sunday, how quickly you arrive, always one of our favorite days of the week, yet also signaling the end of the weekend.  With feet up and wine in hand, I confess that over the past week I…

  1. Asked my son why he will not eat broccoli off his highchair tray, but will pick and eat my Scarlet Begonias in the front yard.
  2. Gave in to the dog’s sad eyes, and let her clean up the mess from dinner.  I hope tomatoes aren’t on the “NEVER FEED THIS TO A DOG” list.
  3. Ate a sweet potato for breakfast on Saturday.
  4. Learned that he answer to, “Where is all our Tupperware?” is not pleasant when you realize it’s been at least three weeks since the refrigerator was cleaned out.  This is a guesstimation, since neither my husband nor I could remember when we last made turkey tacos, and we’re almost positive it was taco meat in that container.  Almost…
  5. Taught my son how much fun it is to pick up tree limbs in the yard and toss them in the garbage can…especially when you use sound effects.  “Pew Pew Pew!” also works for putting dirty clothes in the hamper, taking clothes from the washer and putting them in the dryer, picking up our toys and putting cat food back in the dish.  Well, 32% success rate with the cat food…
  6. Realized that there are blueberry bagels baked with the special ability to explode into 1,457,832 crumbs when touched by a toddler.  Said crumbs do not show up all at once, rather in groups of 1,473, after you’ve mopped or swept or vacuumed.  Also in the car seat, diaper bag, laundry basket and my running shoes.  It’s like bagel confetti.
  7. Wondered last week how much cat food is “safe.”  He ate three kibbles this weekend.  No weird rash.
  8. Had an EPIC “mom fail” moment, when Miles tripped over my feet while we were walking, and went face first into the pavement.  While he was (thankfully, praise Jesus) not seriously injured, he does have road rash on his forehead.  Guilt the weight of the Titanic settled over me, even though I am fully aware of our son’s ability to trip and fall over thin air.
  9. Accidentally dropped some cooked pasta on the floor while cooking dinner.  Left it there because I knew Miles would just eat it (he did).  Similarity between toddlers and dogs.  Also, this was pre-facesmash, so don’t judge.
  10. Spent all three hours of my son’s naptime on both Saturday and Sunday reading.  In addition to forgetting when we last made turkey tacos, I’ve also forgotten when I last mopped the floor. (edit: today, after DOGTOMATOBAGELCRUMBFEST 2014)

We also had playdates and epic coloring sessions and ran around like crazy people in the front yard and swung on the swing until we could swing no more (that’s when mom and dad’s arms finally give out).  Miles now brings us his shoes and asks “Go? Go?” to remind us we should be outside eating driveway rocks and chasing the cats and waving to every neighbor we see.  We also finished a small project for displaying the magnitude of incredible artwork we have amassed since Miles started in the Toddler Room at school (future Rembrandt, photos to follow).  It was an awesome weekend, even if we did have a facesmash.

Cheers,

K