Let. It. Go. (not Frozen…for the love of Pete, enough Frozen already.)

Last week, I headed to my doctor’s office for some routine lab work.  Because of my procrastination, I was unable to visit the lab I normally use – the one close to home – and was forced to travel in heavy traffic on a Saturday to another location.  Many of you know me, and know that I am a nervous driver.  Some of you might replace the adjective “nervous” with words like “slow” or “irritating” or “COME ON LADY JUST MOVE IT!”  Be aware: this does not deter my level of extreme caution when driving.  Everyone on the road is out to get me, AND my tires might fall off, so I must continue on my slow-and-steady, ten-and-two course.  Get over it.
 
I was at a light at a major intersection.  The light was red.  I was turning right, but upon turning right I also needed to occupy the far left lane.  Four lanes away.  Not a big deal to your normal, every day driver who does things like changing lanes.  For me, this was a BIG deal.  I don’t change lanes.  I don’t do more than five miles over the limit.  This was going to be a looong wait.
 
An elderly gentleman in a land yacht of a Buick is behind me at the light.  I’m patiently waiting, singing and playing air drums, knowing that a break in traffic will come and I can turn right.  And if not, the light will eventually turn green.  No biggie.
“HEY LADY, YOU CAN TURN RIGHT ON RED!”
“LADY!  LADY!  LADY!  TURN!  YOU CAN GO RIGHT ON RED!  JUST TUUUURN!!!”
“COME ON, TURN YOUR CAR ALREADY!  TURNTURNTURNTURNTURN!!!”
“ASDLK;LKJAFS;DLKJFA;SLKDJFA;SLKDJF;ALSKDJF;LAKSDJF!!!!!!!”
 
 
(those dots are my thoughts while being yelled at, and that last sentence is what I believe I heard, but cannot be certain because there was a lot of hand flapping in front of the sweet, elderly man’s face)
 
Excuse me.  Are you yelling and flapping at me?  While I’m sitting at a light, waiting to turn?  Because unless you’re Moses getting ready to part the Red Sea of impending vehicular homicide, you’d best settle down and wait for me to turn when I decide it’s safe to turn.
 
I did not utter these words aloud, I just continued singing.  Then the old guy in the Buick proceeded to place his car in park and (get ready for this) rev the engine ferociously.  Yes, Buick.
 
And oh, every fiber of my being wanted the light to just stay red.  Stay red forever and ever and ever.  Stay red until the Early Bird Special at Perkin’s was loooong gone.  But alas, the light turned green, and as soon as it did, a series of furious honk-revs began behind me.  I eased my way onto the highway, and Mr. Buick floored all eight of his Park Avenue cylinders and passed me.  His wife looked embarrassed, and I was embarrassed for her.
 
I arrived at the next intersection to turn left, and guess who had the joy of being next to me in the turn lane?!  I cheerfully waved, wishing I had a flower or a fresh baked muffin to give him, because he obviously needed it.  Yes, he was an asshole, but me behaving in a similar fashion wouldn’t help.
 
I thought to myself, “That dude needs to let it go…whatever he’s harboring, that thing festering just beneath the surface (hopefully not shingles) he needs to let it go, because it’s driving him crazy.”  It’s quite possible he really was just a jerk, and that being a jerk made him happy, but I have a hard time believing that.  I’ve found that people who exhibit extreme behaviors, whether they be positive or negative, are usually masking something else.  I know very well, because I’m guilty of it myself.
 
So let it go, Mr. Buick.  Let go of the thing that’s eating you alive, stealing your happiness, raining on your parade.  Because life is short, but life is beautiful.  There is no room for honking and revving and yelling, but there is plenty of room for love and smiles and sunshine.
And you could just end up on some blog…
Sunshine and Rainbows,
K
Any excuse for a Fried Green Tomatoes reference...

Any excuse for a Fried Green Tomatoes reference…

TOWANDAAA!

Monday Miles: Parent Driver Training

Oh, hey there…it’s me, cutest baby in the history of time and space, bringing you another edition of Monday Miles.  Today I’d like to discuss some important ways to test the driving skills of the person responsible for your transportation.  In my case, that’s primarily my mom.  She gets me to and from school every day, to Target on Fridays, and to Publix on Saturdays.  I need my mom to be at the top of her game when it comes to navigate the great metropolis of Cape Coral, so I’ve developed a series of tests.

Want to play a game involving six lanes of traffic and a toddler?

Want to play a game involving six lanes of traffic and a toddler?

Hand-Eye Coordination…When navigating busy streets, it’s important that your hand-eye coordination is at its best.  This will ensure you are able to politely wave drivers on at a four way stop, and tell other drivers who run red lights that they are, “NUMBER ONE!” (that’s what my mom says, anyway)  To keep mom in top form, I like to throw random objects at the back of her head while the car is moving.  Toys, my blankie, an empty water bottle she gave me to keep me quiet (LOLOLOL) my shoes, you name it…to the front seat it goes!  Keeps her reflexes sharp and her ninja skills at their best.

Focus Focus Focus…You must always pay attention to the road and other drivers, no matter the distraction.  The best way to test my mom’s ability to focus and avoid distraction is to yell, generally for no reason, for fifteen blocks.  Sometimes it’s a happy yell, and sometimes if I really want to give her the essay portion of the test, it’s a hungry yell.  Today, she successfully maintained her concentration by cranking up Guns ‘n Roses.  I then successfully matched Axl octave for octave.  WE ROCKED.

Welcome to rush hour, baby.

Welcome to rush hour, baby.

Multi-Tasking…Sometimes a driver needs to be able to multi-task, like reading street signs and using a turn signal at the same time, or reaching aimlessly around the backseat floorboard to find whatever it is I dropped that I suddenly need RIGHTNOWRIGHTNOWRIGHTNOWOHMYGOSHWHEREISMYTHINGGIVEITTOMENOOOOOOWWWW!!!!

The Boy Scout Rule…Always be prepared, right?  Cheerios in the glove compartment, sippy cups in the diaper bag, blankies in the center console, extra toys shoved under the seats.  This keeps you prepared to answer my demands of I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I’m bored, I CAN’T SEE YOUR FACE, MOM, can we play peek-a-boo while you’re driving?  Also good for all boy scouts: a roll of paper towels in the backseat which I found on my way home today and OHMYGOSH it was awesome.  Good luck multi-tasking after that toy, lady.

Hide and Seek…Or better yet, ESP.  I dropped something in the backseat.  I need it.  You don’t know what it is because we’re on I75 and you are ignoring me.  You must sense the item, locate the item and return it to my possession.  Hint: It’s probably something I was eating that I shouldn’t be.  Also, spoiler alert: I ate more than you realize.

My mom tells me that she is a super awesome fantastic driver, that “Ten and Two is the Thing to Do!” and that it’s totally okay to drive five miles under the speed limit.  I just like to throw in these additional games to make sure she’s bringing her A game to rush hour traffic.

TOWANDAAA!

TOWANDAAA!

Honk honk,

Miles