Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
WE HAVE NEW NEIGHBORS! Eek, I am so excited. Wanna know why? Because not only are they our age, but they’re pregnant with their first child, and guess what? IT’S A BOY! This means instant best friend for Miles. Also, because they bought the house, that means they’re locked in for a long term commitment with us as neighbors. It’ll be just like a TV sitcom! Yay!
My current concern is how long to wait before I begin the stalking. Also, what’s an appropriate food item to welcome them to the ‘hood? What if they have a food allergy? Or can’t eat chicken on Saturdays because of some religious belief? What if they only eat organic apples washed by the tears of happy apple picking children? I thought about baking banana nut bread. Or maybe something pumpkin, since the calendar tells me it’s Fall (although the weather does not). Does it need to be gluten free, dairy free, vegan friendly, kosher and smell good?
Help me out here, people. I don’t want to offend the parents of Miles’ future BFF.
Side note: Evan has met Cameron (the husband) and says he’s super nice. They have two dogs. Last night, one of the dogs came into our yard (TO POOP!!!) while they were probably lugging boxes inside. Evan advised me of the dog’s (POOPING) presence by saying, “HONEY THERE’S AN ANIMAL IN THE YARD!” This is not how you tell me there’s a dog (POOPING) in the yard. If you tell me there’s an animal, my mind sees a grizzly bear or a sixteen foot alligator or a sharktopus (Google it). I have a legitimate fear of zombies coming to my front door. Ask my husband. So the best way to tell me there’s a dog in the yard is to say, “Hey, there’s a cute, sweet, harmless looking dog in the front yard.”
I went to the window and peeked through the blinds. The dog looked up (FROM HIS POOPING, IN MY YARD!!!) and we made eye contact. And we both stood there, frozen. I did what any rational adult would do: I stuck my tongue out at the dog.
The dog proceeded to bark hysterically at me. I closed the blinds. Right now I’m iffy about the new dogs next door.
Most of you know I am big on taking care of Mother Earth. After all, what we do today is the legacy we’ll live our children, grandchildren, great grandchildren…and I would like to make sure there are still some trees, estuaries, wildlife, and other cool stuff left for them to enjoy. I don’t drive a Prius (yet) and we haven’t gone totally organic (yet) but I do enjoy hugging trees, picking up garbage, cutting the plastic rings from six-packs so ducks don’t get stuck, and recycling. I have always been quietly proud of my recycling efforts, until my husband jumped on board.
There are a few things I refuse to reduce, reuse, recycle:
– Cat food cans
– Jelly jars
– Salad dressing bottles
The effort to clean these things is more than I can muster. Also, cat food cans are smelly…I freak out if any of the cat food juice gets on my fingers (like, flailing because I touched a spider web freak out). I am darn sure not washing the turkey giblets out of it. Ick.
If Evan catches me discarding any of these items, he will remove them from the garbage (no matter how deep I’ve buried them) and proceed to wash them. It’s not unusual to find a jelly jar soaking by the sink when I get home from work. Even if I try to sneak said item into the garbage can, his Captain America senses tingle and he runs to the rescue. If I try to beat him to the garbage can, he foils my attempt in QB sack fashion.
In 2009, we took a 4,000 miles road trip from FL to WashingtonDC, New Jersey, NYC, Niagara Falls, and then west to Kentucky for my brother’s graduation from basic training. Side note: Does it count as cross-country if it was mostly north to south traveling? I mean, we did go to Kentucky, which could really just secede and become its own country (sorry, Kentuckians…) so cross country it is. We traveled for 15 days. Evan kept every single water bottle, napkin, newspaper, coffee cup, flyer, take-out container and plastic utensil we used. When we arrived back in Florida, we had two black garbage bags full of recycling. Evan would have left luggage in Ohio if it meant we could squeeze more recyclable goods in our truck.
We’ve been to parties and cook-outs where folks weren’t recycling their bottles and cans. People: don’t do this around my husband. Do you know what he’ll do? Turn into a raccoon and start rummaging through your garbage cans to remove all of the recyclables. Then we have to take them all home.
Please, for my sanity, recycle.
It’s Raining, It’s Pouring…
Floridians, what is up with this weather?! It’s like the clouds have us confused with Seattle, and have sent all the grungy, depressed, flannel wearing rain to our neck of the woods. Not cool.
This week alone, I’ve seen three accidents (minor) on my way to or from work. The weather has brought the following to my attention:
– Leaving adequate space between my car and the car ahead of me is something I view as a safety precaution. Everyone else on the road believes I’m just leaving enough space to let six cars cut me off.
– No one uses their headlights when it’s a monsoon; however, if it’s a light drizzle, at least two people will turn on their hazard lights and drive 25mph.
– I never need to replace my wiper blades until it’s raining.
– I never need to pump gas until it’s raining.
– Umbrellas are stupid. I am positive I get more water on me, in the car, in my purse, down my shirt and on Miles if I try to use an umbrella. Is there some magical umbrella trick you can use to get in your car without soaking yourself? Because it if you look at me after I’ve used an umbrella, you’d think I’m just standing outside, holding it upside down. UMBRELLAS ARE STUPID.
– No one remembers they needed to turn righthererightnowohmygoshhereicome until the very last minute. At least I’ve given you plenty of space in front of me to attempt vehicular homicide.
– The reduction of driving skills exhibited by the motorists on Del Prado is directly proportionate to the increase in precipitation.
Rain…please GTFO. Thanks.